Triangulation is a manipulation tactic often used in dysfunctional or toxic relationships, particularly by individuals with narcissistic or borderline personality traits. It involves creating a dynamic where one person (often the manipulator) brings a third party into the relationship to create tension, competition, or jealousy. Triangulation can be an attempt to control or emotionally manipulate others, and it can be used regardless of the other person's self-esteem or desire to please others.
While people who are unsure of their own worth or have a strong need for validation may be more susceptible to falling into the trap of triangulation, the tactic itself can be employed against anyone. Triangulation can have several effects on individuals involved in the dynamic:
Insecurity and Doubt: Triangulation can cause feelings of insecurity and doubt in the person being manipulated. They may question their partner's loyalty, affection, or intentions, leading to emotional distress.
Jealousy and Competition: Introducing a third party into the relationship can create jealousy and competition, as the person may feel they have to vie for their partner's attention or affection.
Isolation and Control: Triangulation can be a tool for isolating the individual from their support network and fostering a sense of dependence on the manipulator.
Emotional Roller Coaster: The constant shifting dynamics in a triangulated relationship can lead to an emotional roller coaster, with intense highs and lows.
Gaslighting and Confusion: The manipulator may use triangulation as a form of gaslighting, making the individual doubt their own perceptions and reality.
It's essential to understand that triangulation is a manipulative behavior and is not a healthy or respectful way to approach relationships. It is not the fault of the person being triangulated, regardless of their level of self-worth or desire to please others. Triangulation is a tactic used by the manipulator to exert control and power over others, often driven by their own insecurities and need for validation.
If you find yourself in a relationship where triangulation is a recurring pattern, it's crucial to seek support and consider professional help to navigate the complexities of the relationship and develop healthy coping strategies.