It's important to note that I can't provide specific insights into individual situations, as I lack access to personal information and emotional context. However, I can offer some general understanding of potential reasons why someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD) might act this way.
Fear of Abandonment: Individuals with BPD often struggle with a deep fear of abandonment. They may have intense emotions and attachments to significant others, like romantic partners, and fear losing them. This fear could lead them to maintain contact even after a breakup, seeking reassurance and comfort that the other person is still there for them in some capacity.
Idealization and Devaluation: People with BPD might experience intense and rapidly shifting emotions towards others. During the idealization phase, they may see their partners as perfect and put them on a pedestal. However, during the devaluation phase, they might perceive their partners negatively and push them away. The behavior you described could be a manifestation of this cycle.
Difficulty Letting Go: BPD can make it challenging for individuals to let go of relationships, even if they are no longer serving their best interests. The emotional intensity experienced by someone with BPD can make it difficult for them to move on, leading them to seek continued contact with their ex-partner.
Confusion about Feelings: Emotional instability is a common trait in BPD. The person might genuinely have conflicted feelings, which could lead to expressing love and admiration while also wanting to remain friends to maintain some level of connection.
Identity Issues: People with BPD may have an unstable sense of self, and their perception of relationships can be affected by this. They may struggle with knowing what they truly want and need in a relationship, which can result in mixed messages.
Fear of Being Alone: BPD can be associated with a strong fear of being alone or abandoned. The individual might be hesitant to sever all ties with their ex-partner because they fear facing the emotional distress of loneliness.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining boundaries is challenging for many individuals with BPD. They might struggle to define the nature of the relationship clearly, leading to mixed signals and inconsistent behavior.
It's important to remember that dealing with someone who has BPD can be emotionally taxing, especially if you have your emotions to consider as well. If you find the continued contact and behavior unsettling or distressing, it's essential to prioritize your own well-being. Establishing clear boundaries and considering reducing or cutting off contact might be necessary for your own emotional health. If the situation becomes overwhelming, seeking guidance from a mental health professional can be beneficial.