Question

I have had a bestfriend (male) for 7 years now and we have had nothing go on romantically and we never will. We are incredibly strict on boundaries in our friendship and that's how I have been his friend for so long. I have BPD and he stayed when everyone around me left, I recently got a boyfriend 6 months ago and he wants me to unfriend my bestfriend. When I explained our friendship he was okay with it until recently, he wants me to unadd him and said he doesn't care about what our friendship is because he gets jealous easily. Then he tells me he avoids making me jealous so that I should do the same and remove my bestfriend and that if I don't he'll be very upset but go with it and he makes me feel bad about it. Please any help, I am so confused on what's right and wrong, and what I shoul

Answer 1

Navigating complex relationships can be challenging, especially when emotions and boundaries are involved. It's important to remember that there's no one-size-fits-all answer to this situation, as every relationship is unique and should be treated accordingly. However, I can offer some general advice to help you make a thoughtful decision:

1. Communicate openly with your boyfriend: Sit down with your boyfriend and have a calm and honest conversation about your best friend and the history of your friendship. Make sure to express how much your best friend means to you and how important your friendship is. Understand his feelings of jealousy and try to empathize with his perspective. Open communication can foster understanding and strengthen your relationship.

2. Set boundaries with your best friend: While your best friend has been an important part of your life, it's essential to discuss boundaries and reassure your boyfriend that he is the one you are in a romantic relationship with. Be clear about the nature of your friendship with your best friend and how it will remain strictly platonic. Ensure that you and your best friend both respect these boundaries.

3. Encourage meeting each other: If possible, encourage your boyfriend and best friend to meet. Sometimes, getting to know the other person can alleviate feelings of jealousy or insecurity. This way, your boyfriend can see for himself the nature of your friendship and potentially feel more at ease.

4. Reflect on your priorities: Assess what is most important to you in a relationship. Think about what you need to feel secure and fulfilled. Balancing multiple important relationships can be challenging, but it is possible with open communication and a willingness to make compromises.

5. Seek support from a therapist: Having borderline personality disorder (BPD) can make relationships more complex, and having a professional counselor or therapist can be incredibly helpful in navigating these challenges. A therapist can help you explore your feelings, set healthy boundaries, and make decisions that align with your well-being.

6. Trust your instincts: Ultimately, you should trust your gut feeling about what is right for you. Consider your values, needs, and long-term goals in both relationships, and try to find a solution that aligns with your personal well-being and happiness.

Remember, it's normal to feel torn in such situations. Take your time to think things through, and don't be afraid to ask for support from friends, family, or professionals. In the end, making decisions based on open communication, empathy, and respect for all parties involved will be crucial in maintaining healthy relationships.