The behavior you described is characteristic of a pattern often seen in abusive relationships. There are several reasons why a person might verbally abuse their spouse badly and then act as if nothing happened:
Cycle of Abuse: Abusive relationships often follow a cycle, which includes periods of tension building, explosive incidents of abuse, and then a "honeymoon" phase where the abuser may act apologetic, remorseful, or loving. This cycle can create confusion and make the victim question the severity of the abuse.
Manipulation and Control: Abusers may use these extreme mood swings and sudden changes in behavior as a way to maintain control over their spouse. By acting like nothing happened or shifting to unrelated topics, they may attempt to downplay the seriousness of the abuse and prevent their partner from addressing the issue.
Minimization and Rationalization: Abusers often minimize their abusive behavior and rationalize it as something the victim deserved or provoked. By swiftly changing the subject to unrelated matters, they avoid taking responsibility for their actions and evade accountability.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser makes the victim doubt their own reality, memory, and feelings. By acting as if nothing happened, the abuser further confuses the victim and may make them question whether the abuse actually occurred.
Maintaining a Positive Image: Some abusers are very concerned about their public image and may act charming and friendly around others, including their spouse, to maintain a facade of being a "good" person. This image management can be another way to control their partner and manipulate how others perceive them.
Seeking Emotional Support: The abusive person might return to normal conversation topics, like politics, to create a sense of normalcy and gain emotional support from their spouse. This can serve to keep the victim emotionally attached and dependent on the abuser.
It's crucial to recognize that this behavior is not normal or acceptable in a healthy relationship. If you or someone you know is experiencing verbal abuse or any form of abuse, seeking support from friends, family, or professionals is essential. A trained counselor, therapist, or support group can help individuals in abusive situations understand the dynamics of abuse, develop safety plans, and explore options for creating a healthier and safer environment.