I'm sorry to hear about the painful experiences you endured during your childhood. Acknowledging and processing past abuse can be challenging, especially when the abuser denies or minimizes their actions. Here are some suggestions to consider if you want to address this issue with your mother:
Self-care and support: Before attempting to address the issue with your mother, prioritize your own emotional well-being. Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and experiences.
Choose the right time and place: If you decide to talk to your mother about her past behavior, find a suitable and private setting where you can have an uninterrupted conversation.
Be honest and assertive: Express your feelings and experiences openly and honestly. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as "I felt hurt when..." or "I remember when..." This approach can encourage a more constructive dialogue.
Stick to the facts: Share specific incidents or behaviors that hurt you without exaggerating or making generalizations. Keeping the conversation focused on concrete instances can make it easier for your mother to understand your perspective.
Express the impact on your life: Help your mother understand how her actions have affected your life, relationships, and well-being. Sharing the emotional and psychological toll it took on you might make her more aware of the consequences of her behavior.
Be prepared for different reactions: Your mother might react with denial, defensiveness, or anger. It's crucial to remain calm and composed during the conversation.
Set boundaries: If your mother is unwilling to acknowledge her past actions or continues to minimize them, it's essential to establish boundaries for your own well-being. You have the right to protect yourself from further harm.
Seek professional mediation: If the conversation becomes too difficult or emotionally charged, you might consider involving a therapist or counselor to mediate the discussion and provide support.
Consider forgiveness: Forgiveness is a personal decision and doesn't necessarily mean condoning the abusive behavior. It's about letting go of the anger and resentment to find healing for yourself. However, forgiveness is a process that may take time.
Focus on your healing: Regardless of your mother's response, prioritize your healing and growth. Continue seeking support from friends, therapy, or support groups to process your feelings and experiences.
It's important to remember that you can't force someone to acknowledge their past actions or take responsibility for them. Some individuals may not be ready or willing to confront the harm they've caused. While it's natural to want acknowledgment and validation from your mother, ultimately, healing and growth come from within yourself. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this challenging journey, and remember that seeking support from professionals and building a strong support network can be instrumental in your healing process.