I'm really sorry to hear that you had to endure such a difficult and painful experience during your childhood. Being subjected to abuse, especially when it involves a family member you should be able to trust, can have lasting effects on your well-being. It's important to remember that you didn't deserve to be treated that way, and what you experienced was not your fault.
Dealing with the aftermath of childhood abuse can be challenging, but there are steps you can take to support your healing and well-being:
Seek professional help: Consider talking to a therapist, counselor, or psychologist experienced in trauma and abuse. A trained professional can provide you with a safe space to process your emotions, explore your experiences, and develop coping strategies.
Build a support network: Surround yourself with supportive and caring individuals who can listen to you and understand what you've been through. This could include friends, other family members, or support groups for survivors of abuse.
Set boundaries: If your relationship with your mom or step-aunt continues to be toxic or harmful, it might be necessary to set boundaries to protect yourself emotionally. This can involve limiting contact or seeking distance until you feel ready to engage in a healthier way (if at all).
Forgive yourself: Many survivors of abuse carry feelings of guilt and self-blame, even though they were not responsible for the abuse they suffered. Remember, it's not your fault. Be compassionate with yourself and try to let go of any self-blame.
Educate yourself: Learn about the effects of childhood trauma and abuse to better understand your experiences and reactions. Knowledge can be empowering and can help you navigate your healing journey.
Practice self-care: Engage in activities that promote your well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, spending time with positive influences, and practicing relaxation techniques.
Consider confronting the issue: Depending on the circumstances and your emotional readiness, you might decide to talk to your mom about your past experiences. Sharing your feelings can be cathartic, but be prepared for different responses from your mom.
Remember, healing from childhood abuse is a process, and it's essential to be patient with yourself. If you ever feel overwhelmed or need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional or a helpline for support.