If someone says, "stop being so defensive," it's essential to respond in a calm and composed manner. Here are some possible responses:
Acknowledge Their Observation: "I hear what you're saying."
Ask for Clarification: "I didn't realize I was coming across as defensive. Could you please explain what you mean or give me an example?"
Self-Reflection: "I'll take a moment to reflect on my response and see if I can address any defensiveness."
Express Intentions: "My intention isn't to be defensive; I want to have an open and constructive conversation."
Offer Assurance: "I'll try my best to remain open-minded and receptive to your thoughts."
Validate Their Concern: "I understand that defensiveness can hinder a productive conversation, and I'll do my best to be more mindful of that."
Apologize If Necessary: "I apologize if my reaction seemed defensive. I'll work on being more open in our discussion."
Reframe the Conversation: "Let's focus on the main points of our discussion without any defensiveness on either side."
Ask for Feedback: "Could you give me some pointers on how I can improve my responses?"
Set Boundaries: "While I want to engage in a constructive discussion, I'd appreciate it if we could avoid making assumptions about each other's intentions."
Remember, the key to resolving conflicts or misunderstandings is to maintain a respectful and empathetic tone. Avoid escalating the situation or engaging in further defensiveness, as this can perpetuate the issue. Instead, try to foster open communication and understanding.