Question

My mother and father fight and verbally abuse each other almost every day. When I confront them after, my mother always says that for some reason, I only see the bad. What could she mean by that?

Answer 1

When your mother says that you only see the bad, she might be implying that you are focusing primarily on the negative aspects of their relationship and interactions. In other words, she might feel that you are not acknowledging or recognizing any positive or loving moments they may have had together.

There are a few reasons why she might say this:

1. Selective perception: It's possible that you might be more sensitive to conflicts and negative interactions, making you more likely to notice and remember those instances while overlooking the times when things are calm and harmonious.

2. Confirmation bias: If you've seen your parents argue frequently in the past, you might develop a bias towards expecting more arguments and negativity, which can lead you to perceive their relationship in a more negative light.

3. Emotional involvement: As their child, you may feel emotionally invested in their well-being, and witnessing their conflicts can be distressing. This emotional involvement can influence your perception, making negative interactions stand out more prominently.

4. Empathy for one parent: Depending on your relationship with each parent, you might feel more empathetic towards one and, as a result, be more inclined to see the other parent as the source of problems.

5. Communication issues: Sometimes, misunderstandings can arise from ineffective communication between family members, which might make it challenging for your mother to understand your perspective or for you to fully comprehend hers.

It's important to remember that family dynamics can be complex, and each member may have their own unique perspective and emotions tied to the situation. If you feel comfortable doing so, try having an open and honest conversation with your mother about how her statement makes you feel and express your concerns about their constant fighting and verbal abuse.

Additionally, if you find that their conflicts are taking a toll on your well-being, it might be beneficial to seek support from a trusted adult, counselor, or therapist who can help you navigate these challenging emotions and provide guidance on how to cope with the situation. Remember that you are not responsible for their conflicts, and taking care of your emotional health is crucial.