Question

Should I take an ex of 10 years back? I left him because he became increasingly verbally abusive. It’s been 2 months since the breakup for him to think about his behavior. Now, he keeps apologizing and asking for a chance, promising to change.

Answer 1

Deciding whether to take an ex-partner back after a breakup is a deeply personal choice, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. It's important to consider various factors and reflect on your feelings and the dynamics of your past relationship before making a decision. Here are some things to consider:

1. Past behavior: You mentioned that you left him due to his increasingly verbally abusive behavior. It's essential to take this seriously, as verbal abuse can be emotionally damaging and difficult to change. Consider whether you've seen genuine efforts from him to work on his issues during the two months since the breakup.

2. Sustainable change: People can change, but significant behavioral changes require consistent effort and dedication. Take time to assess whether his apologies and promises to change are genuine or if they might be a temporary effort to win you back. Sustainable change requires ongoing self-awareness, therapy, or counseling.

3. Trust and communication: Rebuilding trust and open communication are essential for a healthy relationship. Consider whether you can genuinely trust him again, and if both of you can communicate openly about your concerns and needs.

4. Your well-being: Prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Reflect on how being with him made you feel in the past and whether getting back together is likely to lead to a healthier and happier future for you.

5. Patterns of behavior: Evaluate whether there were other recurring issues in the relationship apart from the verbal abuse. Addressing the root causes of problems is vital to prevent similar issues from arising in the future.

6. External support: Seek advice from friends, family, or a therapist who can offer an objective perspective on the situation.

7. Set boundaries: If you decide to give the relationship another chance, establish clear boundaries and communicate your expectations. Both of you need to be committed to respecting these boundaries.

Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being and happiness above all else. If you decide that giving the relationship another chance is not the best option, it's important to communicate your decision honestly and respectfully. If his behavior continues to be abusive or manipulative, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a counselor to navigate the situation effectively.