It sounds like you're in a difficult and complex situation, and it's essential to prioritize your safety and well-being. Here are some steps you might consider taking:
Reach out for support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about what you're going through. Having someone to confide in can help you process your feelings and gain perspective.
Seek professional help: Consider seeking the guidance of a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationship issues and emotional abuse. They can help you navigate your emotions, set healthy boundaries, and explore your options.
Assess the relationship: Reflect on your relationship and ask yourself if it's truly healthy and sustainable. Emotional and verbal abuse are serious red flags, and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
Establish boundaries: Setting clear boundaries with your partner is crucial. Communicate your needs and make it clear that abusive behavior is unacceptable. However, if your partner is unwilling to change or shows no signs of improvement, you may need to consider more drastic measures.
Consider couples therapy: If you both are willing to work on the relationship, couples therapy might be beneficial. However, it's essential to recognize that therapy won't fix abusive behavior, and you must prioritize your safety.
Focus on self-care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Engage in activities that bring you joy and practice self-compassion.
Make a safety plan: If you feel unsafe, develop a safety plan for yourself. This might include having a safe place to stay, contacting a local support organization, or having a list of emergency contacts.
Consider your own role in the relationship: While your partner's abusive behavior is not justified, it's essential to reflect on your actions too. Addressing the reasons for your past cheating can be an important part of personal growth.
Consider leaving the relationship: If the emotional and verbal abuse continues, and your partner isn't willing to change, you might need to consider leaving the relationship for your own well-being.
Learn from your mistakes: If you choose to move forward without this partner, take the time to learn from your past actions and work on personal growth. Addressing the guilt from cheating may require self-reflection and possibly seeking support from a therapist.
Remember that it's essential to prioritize your safety and mental health above all else. If you're in immediate danger, don't hesitate to reach out to local resources such as domestic violence hotlines or shelters for assistance.