The behavior you described, including being controlling, verbally abusive, threatening, and possessive, can stem from a combination of psychological, social, and environmental factors. It's important to note that while some of these factors may help explain such behavior, they do not excuse or justify it in any way. Everyone is responsible for their actions and how they treat others.
Here are some potential underlying causes that can contribute to such behavior:
Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem: Individuals who struggle with feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem may attempt to control and possess others as a way to boost their own sense of worth and maintain a sense of power and control in their relationships.
Unresolved Trauma or Abuse: Past traumatic experiences, such as childhood abuse or witnessing domestic violence, can lead to maladaptive coping mechanisms and unhealthy relationship patterns.
Personality Disorders: Certain personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder, can lead to controlling and manipulative behaviors in relationships.
Learned Behavior: Growing up in an environment where controlling or abusive behavior was modeled or accepted can lead individuals to replicate these patterns in their own relationships.
Jealousy and Insecurity: Extreme jealousy and feelings of insecurity can fuel possessive behavior and the need to control a partner's actions.
Substance Abuse: Drug or alcohol abuse can exacerbate existing tendencies towards controlling and abusive behavior.
Power and Dominance: Some individuals may have a deep-seated need for power and dominance in their relationships, leading them to use abusive tactics to maintain control.
Lack of Emotional Regulation Skills: Difficulty managing emotions and anger can result in verbal abuse and threats during conflicts.
It's important to recognize that these factors don't excuse the abusive behavior. Being abusive is never an acceptable or healthy way to relate to others, and it's crucial to address and confront such behavior to protect both the victim and the perpetrator.
If you or someone you know is experiencing or perpetrating abusive behavior, seeking help from a qualified therapist or counselor is essential. They can provide support, explore the underlying issues, and work on developing healthier coping mechanisms and communication skills. If the situation is dangerous, it's essential to reach out to local authorities or support organizations for immediate assistance.