The behavior you described, being very generous with actions while displaying borderline verbally abusive tendencies, can be complex and multifaceted. It may be attributed to several underlying factors, some of which could include:
Coping Mechanism: Some individuals might use acts of generosity as a way to compensate for their negative behavior. By being generous, they may attempt to alleviate their guilt or justify their actions, thinking that their positive actions somehow balance out the negative ones.
Control and Power Dynamics: People with borderline verbally abusive tendencies may seek to exert control and power over others. Being generous could be a way to maintain influence over the other person or manipulate their emotions and actions, while verbal abuse can serve as a means of exerting dominance.
Emotional Regulation Issues: The person might struggle with managing their emotions effectively. They could be experiencing stress, anger, or frustration that they have difficulty expressing constructively. As a result, they resort to abusive language as an outlet for their emotional turmoil.
Past Trauma or Learned Behavior: Verbal abuse can sometimes be learned from childhood experiences or modeled behavior. Growing up in environments where abusive language was prevalent may lead some individuals to adopt similar patterns of communication.
Lack of Empathy: The person may not fully grasp the impact of their verbal abuse on others. They might be unaware of the emotional harm they cause and, at the same time, genuinely believe their generous actions outweigh any harm.
Personality Traits: Certain personality traits can contribute to this behavior. For example, someone with narcissistic tendencies might use generosity as a way to receive praise or admiration while resorting to verbal abuse when they feel challenged or criticized.
It's essential to recognize that even though someone displays generous actions, it doesn't excuse or justify their abusive behavior. Verbal abuse is harmful and can have serious consequences on the recipient's mental and emotional well-being.
If you find yourself in a situation where someone is being generous but also verbally abusive, it's crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or professionals who can help you navigate the situation and establish healthy boundaries. If the abusive behavior persists, you may need to distance yourself from the person or seek assistance from local support organizations or law enforcement if necessary.