Recognizing that you have a problem with being verbally abusive is an essential first step towards positive change. It takes courage and self-awareness to acknowledge and take responsibility for our actions. The fact that you hate yourself for behaving this way indicates that you genuinely want to change, which is a positive sign.
Here are some steps you can take to work on changing your behavior:
Seek professional help: Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in anger management and communication skills. A mental health professional can help you explore the underlying reasons for your abusive behavior and provide guidance on how to develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Practice self-reflection: Take some time to reflect on the situations or triggers that lead you to be verbally abusive. Understand what emotions or frustrations may be driving these reactions. Identifying these triggers can help you anticipate and manage your responses better.
Learn healthy communication skills: Improving your communication skills can help you express your feelings and frustrations more constructively. Practice active listening, empathy, and assertiveness to foster healthier interactions with others.
Develop emotional intelligence: Work on understanding and managing your emotions in a healthier way. Emotional intelligence involves recognizing emotions, empathizing with others, and handling emotions in a way that does not harm yourself or others.
Take breaks when needed: If you find yourself getting angry or overwhelmed during a conversation, it's okay to take a break. Excuse yourself from the situation to calm down and collect your thoughts before continuing the discussion in a more composed manner.
Apologize and make amends: If you have been verbally abusive towards someone, take responsibility for your actions, and sincerely apologize to the person you hurt. Make an effort to make amends and show that you are committed to changing.
Seek support from loved ones: Talk to your friends or family members about your desire to change and ask for their support and understanding during this process.
Practice mindfulness and stress management: Engage in mindfulness practices, meditation, or other stress-reduction techniques to help you manage your emotions more effectively.
Changing ingrained patterns of behavior is challenging, but it is possible with dedication and effort. Be patient with yourself, and remember that personal growth is a journey. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and keep moving forward towards healthier ways of relating to others and yourself.