It is essential to note that every individual and family dynamic is unique, and there can be various reasons behind a parent singling out one child for verbal or emotional abuse. While I can't provide a specific reason for your father's behavior, I can offer some possible explanations that are commonly observed in such situations:
Projection: In some cases, a parent may project their insecurities, fears, or frustrations onto one child. They might see certain traits or characteristics in that child that trigger unresolved issues within themselves, leading to mistreatment.
Scapegoating: Sometimes, a parent might unfairly assign blame or negative attention to one child, making them the family scapegoat. This can stem from the parent's need to deflect responsibility for their problems or to maintain control over other family members.
Jealousy or Competition: A parent might feel threatened by a child's achievements, potential, or relationship with the other parent. The parent's narcissism or need for constant validation may drive them to undermine or demean the child to boost their own ego.
Inherited Patterns: Verbal and emotional abuse can be passed down from one generation to another. If the parent experienced abuse in their own childhood, they may perpetuate the cycle unconsciously.
Power and Control: Some abusive parents use their position of authority to assert dominance and control over their children. They might target one child who appears more vulnerable or compliant.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often struggle with empathy and may not see their children as separate individuals with unique identities. By refusing to call you by your name, your father might be denying your individuality and autonomy.
Gaslighting: Referring to you as "her/she" instead of using your name could be a form of gaslighting, where the narcissist aims to erode your sense of self and reality.
It is essential to remember that narcissistic behaviors are complex and deeply rooted in psychological factors. However, understanding the reasons behind such behavior does not justify or excuse the abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse are harmful and should never be tolerated.
If you find yourself in such a situation, seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be crucial in helping you cope with the emotional impact and exploring ways to establish healthier boundaries with your father. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and compassion, regardless of your parent's behavior.