Feeling the way you do after a breakup, especially after a long-term relationship, is completely normal and understandable. There are several reasons why you might be missing your ex, even if the relationship was tumultuous and abusive:
Emotional Attachment: Over seven years, you likely developed a strong emotional bond with your ex-partner. Breaking that bond can leave you feeling empty, lonely, and longing for the connection you once had, despite the negative aspects of the relationship.
Familiarity and Comfort: Even in an unhealthy relationship, there can be a sense of comfort and familiarity that comes from being with someone for an extended period. The idea of starting anew and being single might feel overwhelming or scary.
Nostalgia: Memories of the good times you had together can trigger feelings of nostalgia and make you long for the positive aspects of the relationship, ignoring the negative ones.
Fear of the Unknown: Moving on from a long-term relationship involves uncertainty and fear of the unknown. You might wonder if you'll find someone else or if you'll be happy without your ex.
Low Self-Esteem: Verbal abuse and emotional manipulation can significantly impact your self-esteem and make you doubt your worthiness of love and happiness. This can lead you to hold onto the relationship, hoping things will change or that you can fix it.
Emotional Dependency: If you were emotionally dependent on your ex, it can be challenging to adjust to life without them. Breaking free from this dependency can be a gradual process.
It's essential to recognize that missing your ex doesn't necessarily mean that getting back together is the right decision. If the relationship was unhealthy and abusive, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being and safety above all else. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you cope with the breakup and address any emotional wounds.
Take this time to focus on self-healing and personal growth. Engage in activities that bring you joy, work on building your self-esteem, and explore new hobbies and interests. Remember that a healthy and fulfilling relationship should be built on respect, trust, and mutual support, not verbal abuse and panic attacks.
If you find it challenging to cope with your emotions and the memories, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships and trauma. They can provide valuable guidance and support as you navigate through this difficult time.