Distinguishing between being in love with someone and merely wanting them for how they make you feel about yourself can be challenging, as these emotions can sometimes overlap. However, there are some key differences that can help you identify whether your feelings are more about genuine love or a desire for validation:
Focus on the Other Person: When you are truly in love with someone, your focus is primarily on the other person—their well-being, happiness, and fulfillment. You genuinely care about their needs, desires, and feelings. On the other hand, if your feelings are more about wanting them because they boost your self-esteem, the focus is more on how they make you feel about yourself.
Unconditional vs. Conditional Feelings: Love is often characterized by unconditional feelings of affection, even if the other person doesn't always make you feel good about yourself. In contrast, if your feelings are more about seeking validation, they may be conditional, depending on how the person makes you feel at any given moment.
Support and Empathy: In a loving relationship, you are willing to support and empathize with your partner even during challenging times or when they may not be able to uplift your self-esteem. When the feelings are more about personal validation, you might lose interest or become distant if the other person can't provide that validation consistently.
Long-term Perspective: Love often involves a long-term perspective, where you see a future together and are willing to invest in the relationship's growth and stability. On the other hand, seeking validation might be more short-term, with the focus on immediate gratification.
Balanced Self-Esteem: In a healthy loving relationship, both partners contribute to each other's self-esteem, but they also have a solid foundation of self-worth that doesn't solely depend on their partner's validation. When validation is the primary motivation, your self-esteem may be more dependent on the other person's approval.
Acceptance of Imperfections: Love involves accepting your partner's imperfections and still cherishing them for who they are. Seeking validation, however, may be more about idealizing the person and expecting them to constantly validate your worth.
It's important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and motivations. If you find that your desire for the person is primarily about how they make you feel about yourself, it might be worth exploring why you seek this validation and consider working on building a more balanced sense of self-esteem. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and genuine affection, so it's essential to be aware of your emotions and motivations as you navigate your connections with others.