The behavior you describe is characteristic of manipulative and abusive individuals. There are several reasons why some abusers pretend to be good and wish you well while covertly engaging in harmful actions:
Manipulation and Control: Abusers often use charm and deception to gain trust and control over their victims. By appearing kind and caring, they create a false sense of security, making it easier to exploit and manipulate their targets.
Maintaining Power: If an abuser's true intentions were evident from the beginning, their victim might distance themselves or be less likely to fall under their influence. By hiding their abusive behavior, the abuser maintains power and control over the victim's emotions and decisions.
Avoiding Consequences: Denying or playing the victim when confronted allows the abuser to avoid responsibility for their actions and any potential consequences. By gaslighting or shifting blame onto the victim, they attempt to evade accountability for their harmful behavior.
Self-Image Preservation: Admitting to being abusive goes against the positive self-image most people want to maintain. Acknowledging their abusive behavior would require confronting their own flaws, which can be uncomfortable and difficult.
Fear of Rejection or Isolation: Some abusers fear that if their true nature is revealed, they will be rejected by others or face social consequences. They may prioritize maintaining their image over acknowledging their abusive tendencies.
Manipulating Empathy: By pretending to be a victim themselves or using sympathy-seeking tactics, abusers can elicit empathy from their targets and use it to further manipulate and control them.
Entitlement: Some abusers believe they are entitled to exert power and control over others, and they may see nothing wrong with their behavior. Admitting to being abusive would contradict this entitlement.
It's important to understand that abusive behavior is complex and often rooted in deep-seated psychological issues. However, this explanation does not justify or excuse their actions. It is essential to recognize abusive behavior, set boundaries, and prioritize your safety and well-being if you find yourself in a relationship with an abuser. If you suspect you are dealing with an abusive person, consider seeking support from friends, family, or professional resources to help you navigate the situation and protect yourself.