Seeking approval from a narcissist can be a complex and psychologically challenging behavior. It typically arises due to a combination of factors, including the narcissist's manipulative tactics and the individual's emotional vulnerabilities. Here are some reasons why someone might seek approval from a narcissist:
Love-bombing and idealization: Narcissists are known for love-bombing their targets in the initial stages of a relationship. They shower the person with excessive praise, attention, and affection, making them feel special and valued. This intense positive reinforcement can create a strong emotional bond and dependency on the narcissist's approval.
Fear of rejection and abandonment: Narcissists often use emotional manipulation and gaslighting to control their targets. Victims may fear rejection, criticism, or retaliation if they don't seek the narcissist's approval, leading them to adapt their behavior to avoid conflict or abandonment.
Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may be particularly susceptible to seeking validation from others, including narcissists. The narcissist's initial idealization may temporarily boost the person's self-worth, leading them to depend on the narcissist's approval to feel better about themselves.
Manipulative tactics: Narcissists are skilled at exploiting others' emotions and vulnerabilities to maintain control. They might use intermittent reinforcement, where they withhold approval until the person meets certain conditions or performs specific actions, keeping the person constantly striving for their validation.
Cognitive dissonance: As the narcissist's behavior becomes increasingly manipulative and hurtful, the victim may experience cognitive dissonance, a psychological state where they try to reconcile the narcissist's negative behavior with the positive idealization they experienced in the beginning. Seeking approval becomes a way to cling to the belief that the narcissist is still the person they initially thought.
Trauma bonding: Prolonged exposure to a narcissist's abusive behavior can lead to a trauma bond, a powerful emotional attachment that forms under stressful or abusive circumstances. The individual may seek the narcissist's approval as a way to reduce the negative consequences of the abuse or to protect themselves from further harm.
Isolation and dependency: Narcissists often isolate their victims from friends and family, making them more reliant on the narcissist for emotional support and validation. The person may feel they have nowhere else to turn and continue seeking the narcissist's approval despite the toxicity of the relationship.
It's essential to understand that seeking approval from a narcissist is not a healthy or sustainable way to build self-esteem or maintain relationships. It can perpetuate a cycle of emotional abuse and damage the person's self-worth and mental well-being. If you or someone you know is experiencing this dynamic, seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be crucial to breaking free from the cycle of abuse and healing from the effects of narcissistic manipulation.