It's challenging to provide a definitive answer without knowing more specific details about your situation, but I can offer some general insights that might help you understand this behavior.
Emotional Processing: People can have difficulty dealing with their emotions, especially after a breakup. They may feel hurt, angry, or resentful but struggle to communicate these feelings effectively. As a result, they may resort to being mean or distant as a way to protect themselves or cope with their emotions.
Seeking Attention or Validation: Some individuals may use negative behavior to elicit a response from their ex-partner. By being mean, they may be trying to provoke a reaction or get attention, either to reaffirm their importance or to confirm that their ex still cares.
Power and Control: Mean behavior can also be a way for some individuals to regain a sense of power or control in the relationship dynamic. By making you apologize or ask what's wrong, they may feel a sense of dominance.
Past Hurt or Unresolved Issues: It's possible that there are lingering unresolved issues from the past that are resurfacing and influencing their behavior. These feelings might be triggered by interactions with you, leading to them acting out in a negative manner.
Emotional Immaturity: Some people may not have developed effective communication skills or emotional intelligence, leading them to act out in hurtful ways rather than expressing their feelings constructively.
Mixed Signals: Their emotions may be conflicted. They might still have feelings for you or miss the relationship, but they also have reasons for the breakup, leading to mixed emotions that manifest as mean behavior.
Defense Mechanism: Being mean could be a defense mechanism, guarding themselves against the vulnerability of discussing their true feelings.
It's essential to remember that everyone's behavior is complex, and there could be multiple reasons at play in your ex's case. However, regardless of the reasons, it's crucial to set healthy boundaries and not tolerate mistreatment. If you feel comfortable doing so, communicate openly with your ex about how their behavior affects you, but prioritize your well-being above all else. If the behavior continues or becomes abusive, it may be best to distance yourself and consider seeking support from friends, family, or a professional counselor.