It's essential to recognize that physical violence is never an acceptable way to express anger or resolve conflicts. Hitting someone, including a family member like your mother, is harmful and can have severe consequences on both your emotional well-being and your relationship with that person.
Feeling guilty about the action is a sign that you understand the seriousness of what you did, and that's a positive step towards recognizing the need for change. However, feeling "happy" about it in the moment is a concerning sign, as it suggests that you might have some deep-rooted anger or emotional issues that need attention.
It's important to address this behavior and work on understanding the underlying reasons for your anger and violence. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial in exploring these emotions and developing healthier ways to cope with anger and resolve conflicts.
As you're 20 years old, it's a critical time to take responsibility for your actions and work towards personal growth and emotional maturity. Learning healthy communication, anger management techniques, and coping strategies will not only improve your relationship with your mother but also positively impact other aspects of your life.
Remember, it's never too late to change and seek help. Be open to learning from this experience and taking the necessary steps to become a better version of yourself. If you find it difficult to control your anger or feel overwhelmed by your emotions, reaching out to a mental health professional can be a significant step towards positive change and personal growth.