I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing difficulties when trying to express your feelings or problems to your partner. Communication is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship, and feeling attacked or criticized when expressing your emotions can be very hurtful and damaging.
There could be several reasons why your partner responds with defensiveness or aggression when you share your feelings or problems:
Communication styles: People have different communication styles and ways of expressing themselves. Some individuals may be more prone to becoming defensive or aggressive when faced with difficult conversations or criticism.
Emotional baggage: Your partner's reaction could be influenced by past experiences or unresolved emotional issues that affect how they respond to vulnerable situations.
Fear of conflict or vulnerability: Some people have a fear of conflict and may become defensive as a way to protect themselves emotionally. Vulnerability can be challenging for some individuals, leading to a defensive response as a coping mechanism.
Lack of emotional intelligence: Your partner may struggle to understand and manage their emotions effectively, leading to inappropriate or hurtful responses when faced with emotional discussions.
Relationship dynamics: The overall dynamics of your relationship could be contributing to this issue. If there is a lack of trust, unresolved conflicts, or unaddressed issues, it may increase the likelihood of negative responses during emotional discussions.
If you find that expressing your feelings and problems always leads to arguments and attacks, it's crucial to address this issue to improve your relationship. Here are some steps you can consider taking:
Choose the right time and place: Find a calm and appropriate time to discuss your feelings with your partner. Avoid bringing up sensitive topics during heated moments or when they are preoccupied.
Use "I" statements: Frame your thoughts and feelings using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory or confrontational. For example, say, "I feel hurt when..." instead of "You always..."
Seek understanding: Encourage your partner to share their perspective and feelings. Creating an open dialogue can help both of you understand each other better.
Set boundaries: Let your partner know that aggressive or attacking behavior is not acceptable and that you expect respectful communication.
Consider counseling: If the issues persist, consider seeking the help of a professional counselor or therapist who can facilitate healthier communication and address any underlying relationship issues.
Remember, communication is a two-way street, and both partners need to be willing to listen and understand each other's feelings. If your partner is unwilling to work on improving communication or shows no respect for your feelings, it might be essential to evaluate the overall health of the relationship and consider whether it is a safe and supportive environment for you to thrive in.