It's not uncommon for people to experience conflicting thoughts and emotions when it comes to relationships and breakups. This could be attributed to several psychological factors:
Uncertainty and fear of change: When you think about breaking up with your boyfriend, you might be focused on the aspects of the relationship that are not fulfilling or causing you distress. However, once the breakup actually happens, you might start to feel the weight of uncertainty and fear about what the future holds. The familiarity and comfort of the relationship might become more apparent, leading to feelings of sadness and loss.
Cognitive dissonance: Cognitive dissonance occurs when there is a mismatch between our thoughts and actions. You might have thoughts about breaking up due to legitimate reasons, but when you go through with it, your mind starts to rationalize and emphasize the positive aspects of the relationship. This internal conflict can lead to feelings of sadness and confusion.
Attachment and emotional investment: Over time, you may have developed a strong emotional attachment to your boyfriend. Even if there are problems in the relationship, the bond you share can evoke feelings of love and sadness when it comes to an end. Breaking up can create a sense of loss and grief, similar to mourning the end of something significant.
Fear of being alone: Sometimes, the thought of being alone or starting over without your partner can be overwhelming. This fear of being single or not finding someone else who understands and cares for you as your boyfriend did can cause sadness and hesitation about breaking up.
Social pressure and expectations: Societal norms and expectations can play a role in how you perceive relationships and breakups. You might feel pressure to maintain the relationship, even if you have doubts, because of societal or cultural expectations surrounding long-term partnerships.
Selective memory: After a breakup, it's common for people to reminisce about the good times they had with their partner, while downplaying or forgetting the negative aspects. This can amplify feelings of sadness and longing for the past.
Remember that it's normal to experience conflicting emotions during a breakup. It's essential to take some time for self-reflection and to process your feelings. If you find yourself constantly thinking about breaking up, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can provide support and guidance as you navigate your emotions and decision-making process.