The behavior you described, changing your personality to suit the person you are interested in, is a common phenomenon known as "mirroring" or "code-switching." Many people engage in this behavior to some degree in various social contexts, including romantic relationships. There are several potential reasons why you might find yourself doing this:
Desire for Acceptance and Connection: You may want to be liked and accepted by the person you are interested in, so you adapt your behavior to align with their preferences. This behavior is often driven by a genuine desire to connect with others.
Fear of Rejection: The fear of being rejected or not being good enough can lead you to adjust your personality to fit what you believe the other person desires. You might worry that being yourself will make them lose interest.
Low Self-Esteem: If you have low self-esteem or doubts about your own personality, you might believe that your true self is not enough to attract someone, so you try to mold yourself into what you think they want.
Uncertainty About Identity: Sometimes, individuals might not have a strong sense of identity, and as a result, they may adapt their personalities to blend in with different social circles.
Lack of Boundaries: Difficulty setting boundaries and prioritizing your own needs can lead to prioritizing the desires of others over your own.
Past Experiences: Previous experiences of rejection or unsuccessful relationships might lead you to adopt a "chameleon" approach to relationships, attempting to avoid similar pain in the future.
While mirroring can be a natural social behavior to a certain extent, it becomes problematic when it is done excessively or to the detriment of your well-being. It's essential to find a balance between being adaptable and authentic in your interactions with others.
Here are some suggestions to address this behavior:
Self-Awareness: Reflect on why you feel the need to change your personality for others. Understanding the underlying motivations can be the first step in changing this behavior.
Build Self-Confidence: Focus on building self-confidence and embracing your authentic self. Recognize your strengths and value as an individual.
Set Boundaries: Learn to set healthy boundaries in relationships and prioritize your needs and values.
Communicate Openly: Be open and honest in your interactions. Good communication allows for genuine connections and helps you find people who appreciate you for who you are.
Seek Support: If you find that this behavior is causing distress or affecting your relationships, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist who can provide guidance and understanding.
Remember, finding a compatible partner involves being true to yourself. Authenticity is essential in forming meaningful and lasting connections with others.