Dealing with an INFJ (or anyone) who is pretending to be someone they're not can be challenging, but it's essential to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and open communication. Here are some steps to consider:
Observe and Confirm: Before jumping to conclusions, observe the person's behavior and communication over time. Make sure that you have enough evidence to suggest that they are indeed pretending to be someone they're not, as people can be complex and multifaceted.
Show Empathy: If you believe the person is pretending, try to understand why they might be doing so. INFJs, like everyone else, have their reasons for their actions. They might be dealing with personal struggles, trying to fit in, or protecting themselves from perceived judgment.
Choose the Right Time and Place: When you decide to talk to the person about your observations, choose an appropriate time and place where they feel comfortable and at ease. Avoid confrontations or making them feel defensive.
Be Non-Judgmental: Approach the conversation with a non-judgmental attitude. Express your concern and curiosity genuinely, seeking to understand their perspective rather than criticizing or accusing them.
Use "I" Statements: Frame your feedback using "I" statements to focus on your feelings and observations rather than placing blame on them. For example, say, "I've noticed that you seem different lately, and I'm curious about what might be going on" rather than saying, "You're pretending to be someone you're not."
Encourage Honesty: Let the person know that you value honesty and authenticity in your relationship. Reassure them that it's okay to be themselves and that you accept them for who they are.
Offer Support: If they are going through a challenging time or struggling with personal issues, offer your support and assistance. Sometimes, showing understanding and being a supportive friend can help them feel comfortable being their true selves.
Give Them Space: Respect their boundaries and give them the space they need to open up if they choose to. Pushing too hard for answers may make them retreat further.
Be Patient: Changing behaviors or revealing one's true self may take time, especially if the person has been concealing aspects of themselves for a while. Be patient and give them the time they need to feel comfortable being authentic around you.
Remember that it's not your responsibility to force someone to reveal their true self. Be supportive, understanding, and open, but also recognize that people have their own journey of self-discovery and personal growth. Ultimately, the decision to be genuine rests with the individual, and your role should be that of a caring and compassionate friend or confidant.