Dealing with a partner who engages in behaviors that you find problematic can be challenging, especially if it leads to fights and anger. Here are some steps you can consider taking to address this situation:
Communication is key: Choose a calm and appropriate time to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend. Express your concerns about his smoking and drinking habits and how they impact your relationship. Use "I" statements to focus on your feelings rather than placing blame.
Be understanding and empathetic: Try to understand why he smokes and drinks with his friends. There might be underlying reasons, such as social pressure, stress relief, or habits formed over time. Being empathetic can help you approach the situation with more patience and compassion.
Set boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries regarding these behaviors and how they affect your relationship. Let him know what you are comfortable with and what you find unacceptable. Boundaries are essential for maintaining a healthy relationship.
Encourage healthier alternatives: Offer support and suggest alternative activities that you both can enjoy together or that he can pursue with his friends. Engaging in activities that don't involve smoking and excessive drinking can help reduce his reliance on these habits.
Seek compromise: Finding middle ground might be crucial. While asking him to quit completely might be challenging, you can discuss limiting the frequency of smoking and drinking or setting specific rules, like not drinking to excess.
Educate about the risks: Share information about the potential health risks associated with smoking and excessive drinking. Sometimes, increasing awareness can motivate individuals to reconsider their habits.
Support professional help: If his smoking and drinking habits are causing significant issues in your relationship or negatively impacting his life, suggest seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, to address any underlying issues and work towards healthier coping mechanisms.
Consider your well-being: Reflect on how his behavior affects you emotionally and mentally. If it becomes emotionally draining or toxic, you may need to consider your own well-being and whether this relationship is right for you.
Seek support: Confide in friends, family, or a support group about your concerns and feelings. Sometimes, talking to others can provide valuable insights and comfort.
Set boundaries for yourself: If the situation doesn't improve, you may need to set a personal boundary to protect your well-being. It might involve considering the possibility of taking a break or ending the relationship if his habits and anger continue to cause problems.
Remember that ultimately, you cannot force someone to change their behavior. They have to be willing to make changes for themselves. It's essential to take care of your well-being and be honest with yourself about whether you can be in a healthy relationship with these issues present.