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I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such difficult emotions. It's essential to address these feelings and find healthy ways to cope with anger and negative thoughts. Here are some steps you can take:

  1. Seek Professional Help: Consider reaching out to a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with a safe space to discuss your feelings, help you understand the underlying causes of your anger, and offer coping strategies to manage it better.

  2. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Engage in mindfulness exercises, deep breathing, or meditation to help you become more aware of your emotions and reduce stress. These practices can help you respond to situations more calmly.

  3. Identify Triggers: Try to identify the specific triggers that lead to your anger outbursts. Understanding what sets off your anger can help you find ways to manage or avoid these triggers.

  4. Develop Coping Strategies: Instead of resorting to shouting, learn healthier ways to express your emotions. Find activities that help you release pent-up frustration, such as exercising, writing in a journal, or talking to a friend.

  5. Practice Empathy: Put yourself in other people's shoes to better understand their perspective and feelings. Developing empathy can help you relate to others more effectively and reduce conflicts.

  6. Take a Timeout: When you feel anger building up, take a step back from the situation. Remove yourself from the immediate environment and give yourself time to calm down before engaging in any discussions or interactions.

  7. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Recognize negative thoughts about not deserving life for what they are: distorted thought patterns resulting from intense emotions. Challenge these thoughts and replace them with more positive and self-compassionate ones.

  8. Engage in Positive Activities: Participate in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Engaging in hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or volunteering can positively impact your overall mood and sense of purpose.

  9. Reach Out for Support: Talk to friends, family, or support groups about what you're going through. Sometimes, sharing your feelings with others can help alleviate the burden and provide you with valuable insights and encouragement.

  10. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and recognize that everyone makes mistakes and experiences difficult emotions. Learning to forgive yourself and seek personal growth can be a crucial step toward a healthier mindset.

Remember, seeking help and support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Taking steps to address your anger and negative feelings can lead to positive changes in your life and overall well-being. Don't hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional who can provide personalized guidance and support throughout your journey.

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