When someone becomes used to a particular dynamic or behavior in a relationship, any sudden change can evoke strong emotions, including anger. In your case, your ex may have become accustomed to you taking the initiative and chasing him, and when you stopped doing so, it disrupted the status quo, leading to his negative reaction.
Several factors might be contributing to his anger:
Loss of control: When you stop chasing someone who is used to being pursued, they may feel a loss of control over the relationship dynamic. This can be unsettling and frustrating for them.
Ego and validation: Your ex may have derived a sense of validation and self-worth from your pursuit. When you stop chasing, it might challenge his ego and make him feel less desirable or important.
Fear of rejection: Your change in behavior may trigger his fear of rejection, causing him to feel vulnerable and respond defensively with anger.
Taking you for granted: People sometimes take others for granted when they are always the ones doing the chasing. When you stopped, he may have realized that he could lose you, which could provoke anger and resentment.
Lack of communication: Misunderstandings often arise when there is a lack of clear communication about one's needs and expectations in a relationship. If you didn't express your feelings or reasons for changing your behavior, he might have interpreted it negatively.
It's important to remember that his reaction is not your responsibility. Your decision to stop chasing someone who wasn't putting in effort is a healthy one, and you have the right to prioritize your worth and well-being in any relationship.
If you find yourself in a similar situation in the future, consider the following steps:
Communication: Openly communicate your feelings and needs in the relationship. Honest communication can lead to better understanding and healthier dynamics.
Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries that reflect your self-worth and what you expect from a relationship. Stick to these boundaries to maintain your well-being.
Self-worth: Remember that your self-worth doesn't depend on someone else's validation or attention. Focus on building your self-esteem and recognizing your own value.
Reflect on the relationship: Assess whether the person is genuinely interested in being in a balanced and healthy relationship with you. If not, it might be best to move on.
Seek support: If you're finding it difficult to cope with the emotions surrounding this relationship, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist.
Ultimately, a healthy relationship should involve mutual effort, respect, and understanding. Don't settle for less than you deserve, and prioritize your own happiness and well-being.