The contradiction you observed in some people saying they don't like getting angry but then easily getting angry when upset can be attributed to a few psychological and emotional factors:
Emotional Complexity: Emotions are complex and often interconnected. While someone may genuinely not like the feeling of anger and prefer to avoid it, it doesn't mean they have full control over their emotional reactions. When faced with certain triggers or upsetting situations, anger can be an automatic or instinctive response, even if they don't want it to be.
Repression: Some individuals might have learned to suppress or repress their anger due to cultural norms, upbringing, or past experiences. They may believe that expressing anger is inappropriate or unacceptable, so they try to deny or mask it. However, repressed emotions can manifest more intensely when triggered, leading to sudden bursts of anger when they are upset.
Lack of Emotional Regulation Skills: Managing emotions effectively is a skill that not everyone possesses. Some individuals might struggle with regulating their emotions, including anger. They might not have learned healthy ways to cope with their emotions, leading to a tendency to react impulsively and become easily angered when upset.
Misalignment with Values: The desire to avoid anger might be based on their personal values or beliefs, but the actual emotional response can be inconsistent with these values. It is not uncommon for people to have internal conflicts between their idealized self (how they want to be) and their actual self (how they behave in certain situations).
Cognitive Appraisal: How a person interprets and appraises a situation can heavily influence their emotional response. If they perceive a situation as threatening, unjust, or hurtful, they are more likely to become angry. Despite not wanting to get angry, their interpretation of the situation might trigger an emotional reaction.
Past Trauma: Individuals who have experienced past trauma or have unresolved issues might be more prone to emotional reactivity. When triggered by certain events or circumstances, their past emotional wounds can resurface, causing anger as a defense mechanism or coping mechanism.
Unmet Needs: Anger can sometimes be a way for individuals to express unmet needs or frustrations. When they feel unheard or invalidated, anger can be a way to communicate their emotions and seek attention or resolution.
It's important to remember that emotions are a natural part of being human, and feeling anger at times is entirely normal. The key is to recognize and acknowledge these emotions while working on healthier ways to process and express them. Developing emotional intelligence and effective coping mechanisms can help individuals manage their anger more constructively and in alignment with their desired emotional responses.