Anxious partners in relationships might start to feel hatred toward avoidant partners and eventually decide to leave due to a combination of emotional reactions and coping mechanisms triggered by the dynamics of an anxious-avoidant attachment style. These patterns often stem from early childhood experiences and attachment styles that continue to influence adult relationships. Here's a breakdown of some of the key reasons:
Insecure Attachment Styles: Anxious and avoidant attachment styles are both considered insecure attachment styles. An anxious partner seeks a lot of closeness and reassurance in relationships, while an avoidant partner tends to withdraw and avoid emotional intimacy. The contrasting needs and behaviors can create tension and frustration in the relationship.
Emotional Rollercoaster: Anxious partners might experience a rollercoaster of emotions in their relationship with an avoidant partner. Avoidant partners' tendencies to withdraw or distance themselves emotionally can leave the anxious partner feeling rejected, unimportant, or emotionally neglected.
Reinforcement of Anxious Thoughts: Avoidant partners' behaviors can reinforce the anxious partner's underlying beliefs about themselves and relationships. For example, an anxious partner might believe they are not worthy of love or that their needs are burdensome, leading to increased anxiety and self-doubt.
Pursue-Withdraw Pattern: Anxious-avoidant relationships can fall into a "pursue-withdraw" pattern. The anxious partner pursues emotional connection, while the avoidant partner withdraws to protect themselves from perceived emotional demands. This pattern can become exhausting and lead to feelings of frustration and resentment.
Emotional Exhaustion: Continuously navigating the emotional highs and lows of an anxious-avoidant relationship can be emotionally draining for both partners. Over time, the anxious partner may feel overwhelmed and depleted.
Feeling Unfulfilled: Anxious partners often desire deep emotional intimacy and reassurance, which might not be readily available from an avoidant partner. The inability to meet these needs can lead to a sense of unfulfillment and dissatisfaction.
Lack of Emotional Safety: Anxious partners may struggle to feel emotionally safe in the relationship due to the avoidant partner's tendency to avoid vulnerability. This lack of safety can hinder the growth and trust within the relationship.
Breakdown in Communication: Anxious and avoidant partners might have difficulty effectively communicating their needs and emotions. Misunderstandings and misinterpretations can occur, leading to further relationship strain.
Seeking Stability: In some cases, the anxious partner may choose to leave the relationship to seek a more emotionally stable and fulfilling connection with a partner who can meet their emotional needs.
It's important to note that both anxious and avoidant attachment styles can benefit from self-awareness and personal growth. Couples therapy can also be helpful in addressing the underlying patterns and improving communication and emotional intimacy within the relationship. In some cases, partners may choose to part ways if the fundamental differences in attachment styles and needs prove incompatible and unsustainable.