Experiencing conflicting emotions, such as feeling love for someone while also feeling resentment or hatred when they get close, can be distressing and confusing. Several psychological factors could contribute to these feelings:
Fear of Vulnerability: As people get closer to you, they become more aware of your vulnerabilities and weaknesses. This heightened exposure can trigger feelings of discomfort or fear of being judged or rejected. To protect yourself from potential hurt, you might unconsciously push them away or even start feeling resentment towards them.
Fear of Intimacy: Getting close to someone often involves emotional intimacy, which can be daunting for some individuals. Fear of emotional intimacy can manifest as a defense mechanism, causing you to push loved ones away once they start becoming emotionally closer.
Past Trauma or Betrayal: If you've experienced past traumas or betrayals in close relationships, these negative experiences may create a subconscious fear of getting hurt again. Consequently, you might develop defense mechanisms like pushing people away to avoid potential pain.
Attachment Style: Your attachment style, which is developed early in life based on your experiences with caregivers, can influence how you approach close relationships. For example, those with an avoidant attachment style may struggle with intimacy and push people away to maintain emotional distance.
Fear of Abandonment: Paradoxically, some individuals fear being abandoned, leading them to sabotage their close relationships to gain a sense of control or protect themselves from potential abandonment by ending the relationship first.
Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: Struggling with self-esteem and self-worth can affect how you perceive love and affection. Feeling unworthy of love or doubting your partner's intentions may lead to feelings of resentment or self-sabotaging behaviors.
If you find yourself experiencing these conflicting emotions, it's crucial to explore these feelings further with a mental health professional. A therapist can help you understand the root causes of your emotional responses, work through past traumas, and develop healthier coping mechanisms to navigate close relationships more effectively. Through therapy, you can learn to foster healthier emotional connections and cultivate more fulfilling relationships with those you love.