Communicating effectively during an argument, especially when dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and anxiety, can be challenging but not impossible. Here are some tips to help you express yourself more calmly and assertively:
Practice Mindfulness: Before engaging in any conversation, take a moment to ground yourself and practice mindfulness. Focus on your breath and try to stay present in the moment. This can help reduce anxiety and keep you centered during the discussion.
Identify Your Emotions: Take some time to identify and understand your emotions before the argument. Knowing how you feel and why you feel that way can help you express yourself more clearly and avoid becoming overwhelmed during the discussion.
Use "I" Statements: Frame your points using "I" statements rather than "you" statements. This helps to express your feelings without sounding accusatory or confrontational. For example, say "I feel hurt when this happens" instead of "You always do this to me."
Stay Calm and Respectful: Try to remain as calm as possible during the argument. Take deep breaths if you feel yourself getting agitated. Maintain a respectful tone and avoid raising your voice or using harsh language.
Take Breaks if Needed: If you find yourself becoming too overwhelmed or anxious during the argument, it's okay to take a break. Let the other person know that you need some time to collect your thoughts and emotions. Returning to the conversation when you're calmer can lead to a more productive discussion.
Practice Active Listening: Make an effort to actively listen to the other person's perspective without interrupting. Acknowledge their feelings and thoughts, even if you disagree. Showing that you're listening can lead to a more constructive conversation.
Set Boundaries: If the argument becomes too intense or triggering for you, it's okay to set boundaries and let the other person know that certain topics are off-limits for discussion until you're both in a calmer state.
Seek Support: If you find it difficult to communicate effectively during arguments due to anxiety or BPD, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you develop coping strategies and communication skills tailored to your needs.
Practice Assertiveness: Assertiveness involves expressing your needs and opinions while respecting the rights of others. Practicing assertiveness can help you communicate your feelings and boundaries effectively during arguments.
Use Writing as an Outlet: If face-to-face discussions are particularly challenging, consider writing down your thoughts and feelings in a letter or email. This can give you time to organize your thoughts and express yourself more clearly.
Remember that effective communication takes practice and patience, especially when dealing with BPD and anxiety. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate any progress you make in expressing yourself more calmly and assertively during arguments.