Becoming obsessed with a narcissist after they have discarded you is a complex psychological phenomenon that can be attributed to several factors:
Idealization and Devaluation Cycle: During the relationship with a narcissist, there is often a cycle of idealization, where the narcissist puts their partner on a pedestal and makes them feel special and loved, followed by devaluation, where the narcissist devalues and criticizes their partner, making them feel worthless. This rollercoaster of emotions can create a strong emotional bond with the narcissist and a desire to regain the initial idealized phase.
Trauma Bonding: The intense emotional highs and lows in a relationship with a narcissist can lead to a trauma bonding, also known as Stockholm Syndrome. This psychological phenomenon occurs when a victim forms a strong emotional attachment to their abuser as a way to cope with the abuse and seek validation and approval from them.
Gaslighting and Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled manipulators who use gaslighting techniques to distort reality and make their victims doubt their perceptions and memories. This can lead to confusion and a heightened emotional dependence on the narcissist.
Loss of Self-Esteem and Identity: A narcissist's constant criticism and demeaning behavior can erode the victim's self-esteem and sense of self. After the relationship ends, the victim may feel lost, trying to regain their identity and validation from the narcissist.
Fear of Abandonment: Narcissists often use intermittent reinforcement, withdrawing love and attention periodically, which creates a fear of abandonment in their partners. Even after the discard, the victim may struggle to let go due to this fear.
Addiction to Drama: The chaotic and dramatic nature of the relationship with a narcissist can lead to an addiction to the emotional intensity, making it challenging to break free from the bond.
Unresolved Trauma: Some individuals who end up in relationships with narcissists may have unresolved childhood trauma or attachment issues, which can contribute to their susceptibility to form intense bonds with narcissistic individuals.
Breaking free from an obsession with a narcissist is challenging, but it's crucial for healing and reclaiming one's emotional well-being. Seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional who specializes in trauma and narcissistic abuse can be essential in the recovery process. It's important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and empathy, and there are healthier and more fulfilling relationships awaiting you in the future.