Feeling like you are lying about your childhood traumas and experiencing guilt and ingratitude can be complex emotions that are often associated with psychological processes. It's essential to remember that everyone's experiences and feelings are unique, and what you're going through is valid and important.
There are a few reasons why you might be experiencing these feelings:
Minimization or Denial: Sometimes, individuals who have experienced trauma may downplay or deny the severity of their experiences as a coping mechanism. This could be an unconscious attempt to protect themselves from the pain associated with recalling traumatic events.
Comparison to Others: You might compare your experiences to those of others and feel like your traumas are not as significant or deserving of attention. However, it's crucial to remember that each person's trauma is valid and impactful to them individually, regardless of how it compares to others' experiences.
Internalized Messages: Society and culture can sometimes contribute to feelings of guilt or ingratitude, particularly if there is a prevailing expectation that you should be grateful for what you have despite past hardships. These internalized messages can make it challenging to acknowledge and process your emotions fully.
Fear of Judgment or Rejection: Opening up about childhood traumas can be incredibly vulnerable, and you might fear being judged or rejected by others if you share your experiences. This fear can lead to feelings of guilt for even considering discussing the traumas.
Complex Emotions: Trauma can evoke a wide range of emotions, including conflicting feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, or shame. Dealing with such complex emotions can be overwhelming and confusing, leading to a sense of guilt and ingratitude.
If you're struggling with these feelings, it's crucial to seek support and understanding from people you trust. Talking to a therapist or counselor can be particularly helpful in processing your emotions and gaining insights into why you might be feeling this way.
Remember, healing from trauma takes time and self-compassion. It's okay to feel the way you do, and seeking support is a courageous step towards healing and growth. Take your time to process your emotions and experiences, and don't be too hard on yourself. Healing is a journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time.