Communicating with a parent, especially one with narcissistic traits, can be challenging, but it's possible to express your feelings and concerns in a healthy way. Here are some tips on how to approach the situation:
Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a calm and private setting where you can have an uninterrupted conversation. Avoid confrontations in emotionally charged moments.
Be Prepared and Specific: Organize your thoughts and be clear about the specific instances where you felt hurt or impacted by her actions. Avoid generalizing and focus on concrete examples.
Use "I" Statements: Frame your feelings using "I" statements rather than "you" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say "I felt hurt when..." instead of "You always hurt me when...".
Express Your Feelings: Openly share your emotions and how certain events made you feel. Emphasize that you are sharing your feelings, not attacking her character.
Be Empathetic: Recognize that your mother is also a trauma survivor, which may have contributed to her behavior. While this doesn't excuse her actions, understanding her past experiences may help in the conversation.
Set Boundaries: Communicate your need for healthier interactions and boundaries. Let her know what behaviors are not acceptable and what you need from the relationship.
Manage Expectations: Keep in mind that your mother's response may not be what you hope for. Narcissistic individuals might struggle to take responsibility for their actions or may become defensive.
Seek Support: Consider having a neutral third party present during the conversation, such as a therapist or counselor. They can help facilitate the discussion and provide support.
Practice Self-Care: Dealing with a difficult conversation can be emotionally draining. Ensure you have a support system in place and engage in self-care activities to cope with the process.
Recognize Your Limits: Understand that you can't force someone to change or acknowledge their actions. If the conversation becomes toxic or unproductive, consider stepping back and protecting your well-being.
Remember, it might take time for your mother to process and absorb the information. Changing deeply ingrained patterns of behavior is not easy, especially for someone with narcissistic traits. In some cases, individual or family therapy might be beneficial to navigate these complex dynamics and work towards healing and understanding.
If your mother's behavior continues to have a severe negative impact on your well-being, you may also want to seek professional help for yourself to address any emotional wounds and develop coping strategies.