It is not uncommon for individuals who have experienced childhood trauma to question the validity of their memories or to feel like they are making it up. This phenomenon is often referred to as "dissociation" or "dissociative amnesia." Dissociation is a psychological defense mechanism that can lead to a disconnect between a person's thoughts, emotions, and memories.
Childhood trauma can be very distressing, and sometimes the mind may try to protect itself by blocking or distancing itself from the traumatic memories. This can result in gaps in memory or a sense of detachment from the traumatic experiences, leading some individuals to doubt the reality of their trauma.
There are several reasons why someone might feel they are making up childhood trauma:
Repression: The mind may repress traumatic memories as a way of coping with overwhelming emotions associated with the trauma.
Fragmented memories: Traumatic memories might not be stored in a linear and coherent way, leading to fragmented and confusing recollections.
Guilt and shame: Feelings of guilt and shame related to the trauma may make it difficult for individuals to accept and acknowledge their experiences.
Gaslighting or invalidation: Some individuals may have experienced gaslighting or invalidation in their past, where others denied the existence or significance of their trauma, leading them to question their memories.
Coping mechanisms: In some cases, individuals may create elaborate coping mechanisms, including dissociation or denial, to protect themselves from the pain of their past trauma.
If you are experiencing doubts about your childhood trauma, it's essential to seek support from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. They can help you explore and process your memories, emotions, and experiences in a safe and supportive environment. Through therapy, you can gain a better understanding of your trauma and work towards healing and recovery. Remember that it is okay to seek help and that you don't have to go through this process alone.