When victims are trauma bonded to a narcissist, their feelings and behaviors can become entangled in a complex and unhealthy dynamic. Trauma bonding is a psychological phenomenon in which a victim develops a strong emotional connection to an abuser, often due to a cycle of abuse and intermittent reinforcement. Here are some common things victims may say or think when they are trauma bonded to a narcissist:
"I can change them": Victims may believe that they have the power to change the narcissist's behavior and that their love and support will eventually lead to positive change.
"It's my fault": The victim may blame themselves for the narcissist's abusive behavior, believing they somehow caused it or deserved it.
"They didn't mean it": Victims may make excuses for the narcissist's harmful actions, rationalizing their behavior as a result of stress, past trauma, or other external factors.
"If only I could do better": Victims often feel like they need to meet the narcissist's unrealistic expectations and constantly strive to earn their love and approval.
"I can't live without them": The trauma bond creates a strong dependence on the narcissist, making it difficult for the victim to imagine life without them.
"They're just misunderstood": Victims may downplay the narcissist's abusive behavior, convincing themselves that the narcissist is just misunderstood or going through a tough time.
"They really love me deep down": Despite the abuse, victims may hold onto the belief that the narcissist genuinely loves them beneath their hurtful actions.
"I'm worthless without them": The narcissist's manipulations can lead the victim to question their self-worth and believe they are nothing without the narcissist's validation.
"No one else will love me": The victim may fear that they won't find love or acceptance elsewhere, leading them to stay in the abusive relationship.
"I should be grateful for the good times": The narcissist's intermittent acts of kindness or love can create a cycle of hope and despair, causing the victim to focus on the positive moments.
It's essential to recognize that trauma bonding is a sign of an unhealthy and abusive relationship. If you or someone you know is experiencing this kind of relationship, seeking help from a professional therapist or counselor can be crucial in breaking the trauma bond and starting the healing process.