A person with complex childhood trauma may shut down when their therapist tells them they are proud of them for several reasons, often related to their past experiences and coping mechanisms:
Avoidance of Vulnerability: Childhood trauma can create a deep sense of vulnerability and fear of emotional exposure. When the therapist expresses pride, it may touch upon feelings of vulnerability, causing the person to shut down as a way to protect themselves from potential emotional pain or rejection.
Lack of Familiarity with Positive Feedback: If the individual's childhood was filled with criticism, neglect, or emotional abuse, they may not have experienced positive and supportive feedback. Compliments or praise might be unfamiliar and unsettling, leading them to shut down in response.
Feelings of Unworthiness: Traumatic experiences in childhood can lead individuals to internalize feelings of shame, guilt, and unworthiness. When the therapist expresses pride, the person may struggle to believe they deserve such positive recognition, leading them to shut down.
Fear of Dependency or Reliance: For some individuals with childhood trauma, forming connections and relying on others can be challenging due to a history of unstable or harmful relationships. The expression of pride from the therapist might evoke a sense of dependency, causing the person to shut down to avoid relying on the therapist.
Emotional Numbing: As a defense mechanism, some individuals with childhood trauma may have learned to numb or disconnect from their emotions to cope with overwhelming feelings. Positive emotions, like feeling proud, can be as distressing as negative emotions, leading to emotional shutdown.
Triggering Past Trauma: Hearing positive feedback from an authority figure, like a therapist, could trigger memories or associations with past traumas or abusive situations, leading to a shutdown response as a way to protect themselves from re-experiencing the pain.
Difficulty Trusting Others: Childhood trauma can erode trust in others, especially in caregivers or authority figures. Expressing pride might evoke skepticism or mistrust, causing the individual to withdraw emotionally.
Fear of Disappointment: The person may fear that if they engage with the therapist's praise and later struggle or fail, they would disappoint the therapist. This fear of disappointing others might lead to emotional withdrawal.
It's important for therapists to be aware of these potential reactions and to create a safe and supportive environment where clients can explore and express their emotions at their own pace. Building trust, validating their experiences, and providing consistent support can help individuals with complex childhood trauma gradually become more open to positive feedback and emotional connections. Therapy for childhood trauma often involves a delicate and gradual process of healing, and it's essential to be patient and compassionate throughout the journey.