Based on the information you provided, it does indeed sound like the narcissist's behavior is potentially manipulative. Narcissists often use various tactics to maintain control and power in relationships. Let's break down the situation:
Labeling conflicts as misunderstandings: By framing all fights as misunderstandings, the narcissist is attempting to downplay their own negative behavior and avoid taking responsibility for any hurtful actions. This tactic is meant to invalidate your feelings and experiences and make you doubt the validity of your emotions.
Requesting a separate session with the therapist: Wanting a one-on-one session with the therapist before joint couples therapy could be an attempt to influence or manipulate the therapist's perspective in their favor. The narcissist might try to portray themselves as the victim or put forth a narrative that portrays you in a negative light during this private session.
Couples therapy with a narcissist: Couples therapy can be helpful in addressing relationship issues, but it can be challenging when one partner is a narcissist. Narcissists often struggle with empathy and have difficulty accepting responsibility for their actions. In therapy, they may try to manipulate the narrative, blame others, or maintain a façade of being the victim to avoid confronting their own problematic behaviors.
It's crucial to be cautious in such situations, as narcissists are skilled at manipulation and can be adept at twisting situations to their advantage. If you are considering couples therapy, it is essential to find a therapist who is experienced in dealing with narcissistic personalities and is impartial in their approach. A skilled therapist can help navigate the complexities of the relationship and provide insights into healthier ways of communicating and relating.
However, it is also essential to prioritize your safety and well-being. If you ever feel emotionally or physically unsafe in the relationship, seeking support from friends, family, or a counselor could be beneficial.
Remember that dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally challenging, and it might be helpful for you to seek individual therapy as well to process your feelings and gain strategies for dealing with the relationship dynamics.