I'm sorry to hear that you've had this experience with therapists. Blaming a person for being a victim of abuse is not appropriate and goes against the principles of ethical and compassionate therapy. It is essential to recognize that victims of abuse are not at fault for the harm they have experienced. Blaming the victim can be harmful and perpetuates a cycle of guilt and shame.
Therapists should work to create a safe and supportive environment where clients can explore their experiences, emotions, and challenges without judgment. The therapeutic process should focus on helping you heal from the impact of abuse, build resilience, and develop coping strategies to navigate difficult situations.
If you feel that your previous therapists have not been helpful in supporting you to stand up for yourself and develop assertiveness skills, it might be worth considering a few things:
Communicate Your Needs: If you feel comfortable doing so, communicate your desire to work on assertiveness skills with your therapist. Openly express your concerns about feeling blamed or unsupported in the past.
Seek a Trauma-Informed Therapist: Look for a therapist who specializes in trauma or is trained in trauma-informed care. They will have experience in working with individuals who have experienced abuse and can provide appropriate support.
Set Clear Goals: Collaboratively set clear therapeutic goals with your therapist, including specific areas you want to work on, such as building assertiveness and setting boundaries.
Find a Therapeutic Approach That Suits You: Different therapists use various therapeutic approaches. If one approach hasn't been helpful, consider trying a different therapeutic modality that aligns better with your needs.
Practice Self-Advocacy: In therapy, practice advocating for your needs and expressing your feelings openly. This can be a valuable skill to transfer into other areas of your life.
Seek Supportive Resources: Outside of therapy, explore self-help books, online resources, or support groups that focus on assertiveness training and healing from abuse.
Patience and Persistence: Healing from abuse and developing assertiveness takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and persistent in seeking the support you need.
Remember, the therapeutic relationship is crucial, and finding a therapist who genuinely supports your growth and healing is essential. If you feel that your current therapist is not meeting your needs or fostering a positive environment, it's okay to consider finding a new therapist who is a better fit for you.
Always remember that being a victim of abuse is not your fault, and with the right support and guidance, you can work towards healing and reclaiming your personal power.