I can offer some insights into why your therapist might have found your transference uncomfortable.
Transference is a common phenomenon in therapy where clients unconsciously transfer feelings, emotions, and attitudes they have towards significant people in their lives onto the therapist. These feelings may be positive or negative and can stem from past experiences and relationships.
In your case, when you expressed that you were going to miss your therapist while she was away, it's likely that your therapist perceived this as a manifestation of transference. While it's natural to develop feelings of attachment and reliance on a therapist due to the therapeutic relationship, therapists are trained to maintain professional boundaries and avoid encouraging any dependency or attachment beyond the therapeutic context.
Your therapist's response, telling you that it's not about her and encouraging self-reliance, is likely an attempt to redirect the focus back to your own growth and progress in therapy. The therapeutic process aims to help you develop greater self-awareness, self-understanding, and self-reliance, rather than relying solely on the therapist as a source of support.
Therapists might find expressions of transference uncomfortable because they need to maintain objectivity and ensure that the therapy remains centered on the client's needs and issues. Acknowledging transference is essential in therapy, but addressing it appropriately involves exploring the underlying emotions and experiences that contribute to those feelings.
If you have questions or concerns about the dynamics in your therapeutic relationship, it's crucial to openly discuss them with your therapist. Honest communication can lead to a deeper understanding of your feelings and experiences, ultimately fostering a more productive therapeutic journey.