It's essential to remember that without more context and direct communication with your therapist, any conclusions drawn remain speculative. Here are some potential reasons for his behavior:
Coping mechanism: Therapists are humans too, and they might use humor or smiles as a way to cope with difficult or emotionally intense situations. It's possible that your therapist is trying to maintain a professional demeanor but occasionally finds something amusing or challenging to handle.
Empathy and rapport: Some therapists use humor or light-heartedness to build rapport and create a more relaxed atmosphere during sessions. However, if it's coming across as inappropriate or hurtful to you, it's essential to communicate your feelings to him.
Miscommunication: Nonverbal cues can be misinterpreted, and what you perceive as repressed smiles may not necessarily be what your therapist intends to convey. It could be helpful to discuss your concerns with him openly.
Personal issues: Therapists are also susceptible to personal problems or stress that may influence their behavior during sessions. Their reactions might not be about you but could be related to something in their own lives.
Regardless of the reason, it's crucial to address your feelings about the situation with your therapist. Open communication is a vital aspect of the therapeutic relationship. Sharing your concerns will give your therapist the opportunity to understand your perspective and adjust their behavior accordingly.
If you feel uncomfortable discussing it with your therapist directly, you can consider talking to someone you trust, like a friend, family member, or even seeking another therapist's perspective on how to handle the situation. Remember that the therapeutic process should be a safe and supportive space for you, and if something is hindering that, it needs to be addressed.