It's not uncommon for individuals to receive conflicting feedback about their behavior in social situations. In your case, it seems like people perceive you differently depending on whether you're being "uptight and formal" or trying to "let your guard down." These perceptions could be influenced by a combination of factors:
Communication style: Your manner of speaking, body language, and overall communication style can influence how others perceive you. When you're being uptight and formal, you might come across as reserved, distant, or serious. On the other hand, when you let your guard down, you might appear more open, approachable, and relaxed.
Context: The specific social situation or environment can influence how your behavior is perceived. What might be seen as appropriate in one context might come across as naive or overly relaxed in another.
Personal history: People's past experiences with you can shape their perceptions. If you've consistently exhibited a formal demeanor, it can become a part of their perception of you, making it harder for them to accept a sudden shift in behavior when you try to be more open.
Expectations: People tend to form expectations based on their previous interactions with you or their preconceived notions. When you act differently from their expectations, it might lead to confusion or judgment.
Body language and social cues: Sometimes, body language and social cues can send mixed messages. It's possible that even when you try to let your guard down, subtle signs of discomfort or hesitation might still be evident, leading others to perceive you as naive or unsure.
To address this issue, consider the following steps:
Be authentic: Be true to yourself and try to find a balance between being formal when appropriate and allowing your more relaxed side to show when it feels natural.
Observe others: Pay attention to how others behave in various social situations and try to learn from their cues and responses.
Seek feedback: If you're comfortable, talk to some close friends or colleagues about their perceptions and gather constructive feedback. It can help you understand how you come across to others and make any necessary adjustments.
Practice social skills: Engage in social situations more frequently to build confidence and develop your social skills. Over time, this can help you feel more at ease in different settings.
Embrace your uniqueness: Remember that everyone has their own personality and style of interacting with others. Embrace your individuality and focus on being the best version of yourself.
It's essential to strike a balance between being true to yourself and adapting to social norms when needed. With practice and self-awareness, you can find a comfortable middle ground where you feel authentic and socially competent.