Helping a friend who tends to become a hapless pontificator when they get into a pub requires tact and understanding. Here are some ways you can support your friend:
Choose the right time to talk: Wait until you are in a private and comfortable setting to discuss this issue with your friend. Bringing it up in a crowded pub may not be the best idea as it could embarrass or upset them.
Be compassionate and non-judgmental: Approach the conversation with empathy and kindness. Let your friend know that you care about them and that you're coming from a place of concern, not criticism.
Provide specific examples: When discussing the behavior, offer specific instances where they have been pontificating in the pub. This helps them understand the issue better and makes your concerns more concrete.
Focus on the impact: Explain how their pontificating behavior might be affecting their relationships with others in the pub. Help them understand that it may be off-putting or uncomfortable for some people.
Suggest self-awareness techniques: Encourage your friend to practice self-awareness. They can try to catch themselves when they are starting to dominate conversations and take a step back.
Practice active listening: Encourage your friend to actively listen to others' perspectives and opinions in conversations. Emphasize the value of diverse viewpoints.
Encourage breaks or distractions: Suggest activities or games that can provide breaks in conversation and help shift the focus away from lengthy monologues.
Have a code word or signal: Establish a subtle way to alert your friend when they are slipping into pontificating mode. It could be a discreet gesture or a code word that only the two of you understand.
Be a good role model: Show your friend how to engage in discussions without monopolizing the conversation. Demonstrate active listening and encourage others to participate.
Offer support and encouragement: Changing behavior can be challenging, so be patient and supportive. Acknowledge their efforts to improve and celebrate any progress they make.
Suggest professional help if needed: If your friend's behavior appears to be a symptom of deeper issues like social anxiety or low self-esteem, encourage them to seek professional help or counseling.
Remember that changing behavior takes time and effort, and your friend may not transform overnight. Be a supportive and understanding friend throughout their journey of self-improvement.