When people tell you to do something instead of asking, it can be frustrating, and it's natural to feel upset or angry about it. However, it's essential to respond in a constructive and assertive way to maintain healthy relationships and set clear boundaries. Here are some steps to handle such situations:
Take a breath and stay calm: Before responding, take a moment to collect your thoughts and emotions. Avoid reacting impulsively, as this might escalate the situation.
Use "I" statements: Express your feelings and concerns using "I" statements. For example, say, "I feel uncomfortable when I'm told to do something without being asked," or "I prefer to be asked rather than being told what to do."
Be assertive: Communicate your boundaries clearly and respectfully. Let the person know that you appreciate being asked rather than being given orders, as it makes you feel more respected and valued.
Explain the impact: Share how being told instead of asked affects your willingness to help or cooperate. For instance, you could say, "When I'm told to do something, I feel less motivated to help because it feels like I don't have a choice."
Suggest an alternative approach: Politely offer a better way of communication that aligns with your preferences. Encourage the person to ask for your assistance or cooperation instead of demanding it.
Set expectations: If this is a recurring issue, set clear expectations for how you'd like to be treated in the future. Let the person know that you value open and respectful communication.
Avoid escalating the situation: Stay composed and avoid getting into an argument. Keep the conversation focused on your feelings and needs rather than criticizing the other person's behavior.
Know when to disengage: If the person continues to be disrespectful or pushy, it's okay to distance yourself from the situation. Choose to walk away from a conversation that isn't productive or respectful.
Remember, it's essential to communicate your boundaries in a healthy and assertive manner. This allows others to understand your perspective and, hopefully, respect your wishes in the future. At the same time, try to be understanding and empathetic towards others' perspectives as well, as it can help in building stronger relationships.