Addressing the issue of someone frequently borrowing things from you and not returning them requires a delicate balance of assertiveness and politeness. Here are some steps to follow when having this conversation:
Choose the right time and place: Find an appropriate setting where you can have a private conversation without distractions or interruptions.
Remain calm and composed: Keep your emotions in check during the conversation. Stay calm to avoid escalating the situation.
Express gratitude: Start by expressing appreciation for their interest in borrowing your things. This sets a positive tone for the conversation.
Share your concern: Politely let them know that you've noticed some items haven't been returned after lending them. Be specific about the items to avoid misunderstandings.
Use "I" statements: Frame your request using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I've noticed that some items haven't been returned after lending them, and it's making me a bit uneasy."
Explain the impact: Share how not having your items back affects you. It could be inconvenience, extra expenses, or feeling uncomfortable.
Set boundaries: Let the person know that you value your belongings and prefer not to lend them out moving forward. You can say, "I've decided to be more cautious with lending my belongings, so I won't be lending them out anymore."
Offer alternatives: If you're comfortable with it, suggest other solutions, like recommending a rental service or suggesting places where they can find the items they need.
Be firm but respectful: While it's essential to be polite, also be firm in your decision to stop lending your belongings.
End on a positive note: Reiterate your appreciation for the person and the friendship, making it clear that your decision is not a reflection of your feelings towards them.
Here's an example of how you could approach the conversation:
"Hey [Friend's Name], I really appreciate that you feel comfortable borrowing things from me. However, I've noticed that a few items haven't been returned, and it's causing me some concern. I value my belongings, and I'd prefer not to lend them out anymore to avoid any issues. I hope you understand. Thanks for being understanding, and I'm glad we can still be good friends."
Remember, setting boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships, and it's okay to prioritize the well-being of your belongings and yourself.