When someone says "I'm sorry" but then adds something that seems to place blame on the other person, it can indicate a form of non-apology or a lack of genuine remorse. This behavior is often referred to as a "fauxpology" or "apology with a but."
Essentially, the person is attempting to apologize superficially or formally without actually taking full responsibility for their actions. By adding something that places blame on the other person, they are deflecting accountability and attempting to shift the focus away from their own behavior or mistakes.
For example, a fauxpology might look like this: "I'm sorry if you got upset, but you overreacted." In this case, the person is acknowledging that the other person is upset but suggesting that the reaction was unwarranted or exaggerated, thus deflecting their responsibility for causing the upset.
Fauxpologies can be frustrating and hurtful because they don't acknowledge the impact of the person's actions or show a genuine willingness to change or make amends. A sincere apology should focus on acknowledging the harm caused, taking responsibility for one's actions, expressing remorse, and demonstrating a commitment to do better in the future.