Dealing with a person who has borderline personality disorder (BPD) and a tendency to lie, while also not remembering doing so, can be challenging. Here are some strategies to consider:
Educate yourself about BPD: Learning about the symptoms and characteristics of BPD can help you understand the person's behavior better. It's essential to recognize that their lying and memory issues might be linked to the disorder rather than intentional deception.
Communicate calmly and openly: When addressing instances of lying, approach the individual with compassion and without judgment. Be open about your concerns and the impact their behavior has on you and your relationship.
Be patient and understanding: Remember that BPD can affect memory and emotional regulation. Be patient when discussing past events or incidents, as they might genuinely not remember their lies.
Encourage professional help: Encourage the person to seek therapy or counseling from a mental health professional who specializes in treating BPD. Therapy, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can help them learn healthier coping mechanisms and improve their ability to communicate honestly.
Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries regarding honesty and trust in your relationship. Communicate your expectations and the consequences if those boundaries are violated. Consistency in enforcing boundaries is essential.
Avoid confrontation during emotional outbursts: During periods of emotional intensity or distress, it's best to avoid confronting the person about their lies. Instead, wait for a calmer moment to discuss the issue constructively.
Practice self-care: Dealing with someone with BPD and recurring lying can be emotionally draining. Take care of your well-being and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to process your feelings and frustrations.
Focus on validation and empathy: Individuals with BPD often struggle with feelings of invalidation. Offer them validation and empathy without condoning their lying behavior. Acknowledging their emotions and experiences can foster a more positive environment for open communication.
Address any underlying issues: Sometimes, lying might be a coping mechanism for other emotional issues or distress. Encourage the person to explore the underlying reasons for their dishonesty in therapy.
Consider family or group therapy: If appropriate, involve other family members or close friends in therapy sessions. This can help improve communication and understanding among all parties involved.
Remember that supporting someone with BPD and addressing their lying behavior requires patience and empathy. If you find it challenging to manage the situation on your own, consider seeking guidance from a mental health professional who can provide specific advice tailored to your situation.