Question

Boyfriend made joke about owning me when when we are married. It’s been bothering me. I believe some religions see it that way but his doesn’t (nondenominational Christian). When he said the comment he just brushed it off as a joke. What should I do?

Answer 1

It's understandable that such a comment from your boyfriend would bother you. Even if he meant it as a joke, it touched upon a sensitive topic and may have made you feel uncomfortable or concerned about the future of your relationship. Here are some steps you can take to address the issue:

1. Communicate openly: Find a calm and private moment to talk to your boyfriend about how his comment made you feel. Explain that even though he may have intended it as a joke, it still had an impact on you and caused you some concern.

2. Express your feelings: Let him know why the comment bothered you and how it contradicts your beliefs and values. Be honest about your concerns and expectations for a respectful and equal partnership in marriage.

3. Listen to his perspective: Give him the chance to explain his comment. Sometimes, people make offhand remarks without fully considering the implications. Understanding his intentions can help you determine whether it was truly a thoughtless joke or if there might be deeper underlying beliefs.

4. Discuss your values and expectations: Talk about your religious beliefs and how you envision your roles within the relationship and potential marriage. Make sure you both are on the same page regarding respect, equality, and mutual understanding.

5. Assess your compatibility: Reflect on whether your beliefs and values align in the long run. If there are significant differences between your views and his, it's essential to address them early on.

6. Boundaries and red flags: Assess if this comment is part of a pattern of behavior that raises concerns about your boyfriend's attitudes towards you or women in general. If you notice other red flags, it may be a sign to reevaluate the relationship.

7. Seek advice from a trusted person: If you feel overwhelmed, talk to someone you trust, such as a friend, family member, or mentor, to gain perspective and support.

Remember that open and honest communication is key to building a strong and healthy relationship. It's essential to address any concerns early on to prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both partners are on the same page.