I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation. Discovering that your spouse had an affair can be incredibly painful, especially after such a long marriage. Deciding what to do next is a deeply personal choice, and there's no one-size-fits-all answer. Here are some steps to consider as you navigate this situation:
Take Time for Yourself: Allow yourself to process your emotions and thoughts. Finding out about the affair can trigger a range of feelings, such as anger, hurt, confusion, and betrayal. Give yourself space to understand your emotions and what you want moving forward.
Communicate Openly: If you feel ready, consider having an open and honest conversation with your spouse about the affair. Communication is essential, and discussing what happened and how it has affected both of you can be a crucial step in determining the next course of action.
Seek Professional Support: Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in marriage and infidelity. A therapist can help facilitate communication, provide guidance, and offer a neutral perspective.
Assess the Marriage: Take some time to evaluate your marriage as a whole. Consider the positive aspects of your relationship, the history you share, and whether there is still love and commitment between you and your spouse.
Consider Your Feelings and Needs: Reflect on your own feelings and needs. Do you feel you can forgive and move forward? Are you willing to work on rebuilding trust and repairing the relationship? Or do you believe the damage is irreparable?
Think About Your Children: As your children are adults now, their well-being might still be a consideration. Take their feelings into account, but remember that your happiness and emotional health matter too.
Explore Your Options: Depending on your feelings and the state of your marriage, you may consider counseling or therapy, taking a temporary separation, or initiating divorce proceedings. There's no rush to make a decision, and it's okay to take your time.
Lean on Supportive People: Share your thoughts and feelings with friends or family members who can offer understanding and support during this challenging time.
Ultimately, the decision about how to proceed in your marriage is yours to make. It's essential to prioritize your well-being and consider what will lead to the best possible outcome for you and your future happiness. A therapist can be a valuable resource in helping you explore your feelings and options as you move forward. Remember that healing from infidelity takes time, and there's no right or wrong way to handle it. Be kind to yourself and seek the support you need as you navigate this process.