Your feelings are valid, and it's completely understandable to feel hurt if your husband's past actions have caused you pain and trust issues. While it's positive that your husband claims to have changed his ways, the emotions you're experiencing may be a result of the pain and impact of his previous behavior.
Rebuilding trust after infidelity or any breach of trust takes time and effort from both partners. It's natural for you to still have feelings of hurt, especially if the wounds are relatively fresh or if trust hasn't been fully restored.
Here are some suggestions on how to cope with your feelings and work towards healing:
Open communication: Share your feelings with your husband and let him know the impact his past actions have had on you. Communication is essential for understanding each other's perspectives and working through emotional pain.
Seek support: Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. A professional can help both of you navigate the emotions and challenges that arise after infidelity and guide you through the process of healing and rebuilding trust.
Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries in your relationship to prevent future issues. These boundaries may include open and honest communication about feelings, increased transparency, and commitment to working through problems together.
Allow time for healing: Healing from trust issues is a gradual process. Be patient with yourself and with your husband as you work through your emotions.
Focus on positive aspects: Reflect on the positive aspects of your relationship and the 45 years you've spent together. Remembering the good times and the reasons you fell in love can help balance the negative emotions you're experiencing now.
Consider forgiveness: Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or condoning past actions, but it can free you from the burden of carrying resentment. It's a personal decision and might take time.
Engage in activities together: Engaging in activities you both enjoy and spending quality time together can help strengthen your bond and create new positive memories.
Ultimately, the decision on how to move forward in your relationship is entirely up to you. If you find that the hurt and trust issues are too difficult to overcome, or if your husband's actions continue to cause distress, it might be beneficial to explore individual counseling and consider whether the relationship is still fulfilling and healthy for both of you.
Remember that every individual and relationship is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to feel in such situations. It's important to prioritize your emotional well-being and make decisions that align with your values and needs.